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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

“But God” – these words have two paths. It could either lead to doubt or lead to testimony. Sometimes, when God tells us to pivot our feet, we can rush to excuse or choose to take the leap. I previously spoke about joyful leaps, but even in that discussion, I had to mention grief and its ability to ensnare or propel. This decision is made by its beholder, who is required to process the purpose of loss and its shifting nature.

Who did I want to be? Where did I want to go? If my answers did not coincide with God’s will and say, then where did it come from? Surely, I couldn’t trust my flesh that placed me in situations I had to pray for God to take me out of; and if not my flesh, then God’s opposition who encouraged me to dwell in my flesh and worldly nature aimed to be my guide. That thought itself provoked me into Godly surrender.

The pivot enabled by God provided me a way to escape. I had to be honest in prayer and tell Him that I needed to leave. Preparing to leave got harder when I thought about what it would require. However, God reminded me of who He is and that His name matched His character. Jehovah Jireh. Jehovah Rapha. Jehovah Tsidkenu. He kept telling me about Himself so that I had no choice but to stop focusing on past versions of me, who I wanted to leave behind in the first place.

Internal struggle showed in my focus and confidence. The back-and-forth battles, of trying to know it all while aiming to surrender all, left me in standstills that was antithetical to God’s reason for this season. He didn’t call me to know. He told me to pack. He was waiting on the other side, and He was kind enough to stay by my side while I moved to meet Him there. I filled out the forms to leave false dreams and scheduled it to send on the 20th. I didn’t have any other option but to trust God and be obedient.

When God says enough is enough, He shouts it so that you listen. However, fearing God wasn’t an instruction for me to dwell in shame. Fearing God was an invitation to hold Him in reverence and allow myself to die [to me] in order to boldly stand in His will. I couldn’t make it on my own. I knew that after many failed attempts and frantic movements, which all kept me flat on my face. And yet, His grace, favor, and mercy, brought me here to mark this stone as evidence of His faithfulness.

I can’t say that I know how this journey will go, but I do know that God’s grace is sufficient. Pivoting feet remind us that perfection isn’t achievable. Pivoting feet honorably declares that irregardless of the steps that got us here: we are allowed to change. Truly, we are allowed to grow. I didn’t want to face that with fear. I wanted to experience the transformation it creates when we make that forward move.

This ordeal wasn’t a by-product of loneliness. This destiny moment indicated God’s sovereignty. I didn’t need to have it altogether. I didn’t need to prove myself. I just needed to take the step.

So, my body turned. I took a deep breath. My eyes set on God. The angle of pivot unbeknownst to humanity but qualified by Heaven’s approval and validation. I’m going to make it. You are too.