–

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” -Romans 15:13

Sweet words are honey to my soul. As I poured it in the stirring of my soul’s chamomile tea, I deeply sighed in relief. God always knew what to whisper in my spirit when I needed to hear it the most. So as I rose from the dust, shaking off the ashes from my clothes, I smiled at the thought impressed upon my heart. THIS WAS ALL SO WORTH IT.

While holding my chin high, I swayed my hips to the joyous tune that filled the air. This vision embedded with victory meant that I could overcome. I then sang along with the birds. The songs outlined freedom, laughter, peace, and migration. We dwelled in God’s light and danced with the times like butterflies who weren’t desperate for its environment. It felt like peace. It poured out hope- feeding us with its milk and honey.

It took some time to make this leap, but when I did, I had to untangle myself from every weight carried on my shoulders. This leap required me to stand tall–unashamed–and say, “I am no longer who I used to be.” The denial of past existence was my rejection of projected identity that I never aligned with, though before I thoroughly played the role I was given. No longer. With a snap of God’s fingers, the grief propelled me forward then laid down with shame, who released me as I made this new decree.

The falls, the failures, the woes, and the lessons of it all… it no longer scared me. It no longer made me feel unqualified or doomed. In fact, the pain of the experience made me praise and mentally pivot. I am who God says I am. I left that sentence as is, and no longer scrambled around to show proof. His presence covered me as I stood firm on His foundation. My eyes looked up towards the hills, even when my heart bleeds profusely on the floor. There was still a smile written on my face.

Trouble doesn’t last always. I leapt.

There is light at the end of this tunnel. I leapt.

You’re meant to grow. I leapt.

More smiles, more tears, more smiles, more confrontations with past fears. I could no longer be bound by a what-if or a but-didn’t-you. Surely I deserved a new beginning if God pushed me this way. I didn’t mind letting down those who put potential accolades over my safety and wellbeing. No, I didn’t want to think about trauma and pain anymore. I wanted to do everything from a place of joy.

Joy reminded me of a cinnamon roll fresh out the oven. Icing melting down along the sides, and the bun releasing fragrance that called saliva to take up space within the mouth. Joy told me to anticipate in contentment. When my wallet didn’t align with my destiny and when my community was just me and God, joy taught me that taking leaps in alignment would only bring provision.

What is the purpose of faith? How does faith coexist and/or intertwine with joy?

These questions repeated on my mind as if God kept asking me if I got the lesson yet. My response was needed for the next key.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for but not yet seen. Joy is anticipation and contentment. These two concepts are blessings and brings you to the feet of Jesus with radical transparency and submitted heart posture, preventing bitterness from ensnaring your spirit.

God smiled at my response, and then showed me visions of what was up ahead.

“Me? Him? Together-?!” God laughed gleefully at my excited exclamations that resembled questions.

“I’m going to do that? And my future lineage will prosper because of that choice?” God nodded in reassuring agreement.

“Oh.. I have to let everyone go..” God’s smile rested into a serious yet neutral expression. He held my hand and told me to pack.

I didn’t know the destination. I didn’t know all of the reasons. I didn’t know how to feel every emotion it evoked. I just knew that I could trust Him and His faithfulness.. He was the only One that hadn’t let me down, and I couldn’t blame Him for my suffering when He had my back through it all.

Was I Joseph? Was I Job? Now I’m Abram, and I’m called to leave with no plan other than to follow God. I leapt in joy instead of fear. Not in a hastily way, but in a way that kept my heart focused on creator. I opened up to possibility, letting go of all my plans, and submitting to His grace and mercy that followed me.